I still feel like I am waking up in Medinah sometimes even though it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve returned from the blessed land. I can’t seem to forget that feeling of calmness and peacefulness. When I was in Medinah for the second time in my life, I felt a sense of tranquillity that no other place gives me. Some people say when they’re by the ocean it relaxes them, or listening to meditation music soothes their mind. For me, it’s the blessed city of Medinah.
Being in the presence of Rasoolullah Sallahi ahlayhiwsalam, it is very overwhelming. I felt undeserved yet grateful for this blessing. I decided to take advantage of this opportunity and just tell Allah swt how thankful I am that he has bought me to this blessed land, to his Habib, Rasoolullah sallahi ahlayhiwsalam. Allhumdulilah for this calling.
As I stood on the warm marble flooring outside Masjid Al Nabawi, looking at the Gumbat E Khazra ( The Green Dome) for the first time this visit, tears started streaming down my cheeks, I felt my face become hot. It was uncontrollable, I did try to stop tearing up, I don’t like to be emotional infront of people. However, after contemplating, I said to myself, I don’t care who sees me. Today I get this blessed opportunity, I might not be so fortunate to get it again. And so, I cried even more with the mere thought of not visiting Medinah again. My hands went up in prayer position, and I said Here I am Ya Rasoolullah. I am here. You called and I came. I stand here today united with you again.
When your in Medinah Shareef, for some reason, strangely, all your dunya/ worldly matters seem so far far away and irrelevant. They just don’t matter anymore, I really couldn’t care less what time of the day it was or what date it was. All the things that mattered to me back in England were no longer a concern or not something I’d think twice about . The only thing that matters is that I was with Rasoolullah sallahi ahlayhiwsalam and this made me so happy. I was in Medinah, I had come in 2012, never knowing when I will get the opportunity to come back again, and now in 2014, exactly 2 years, I am back. Allhumdulilah, shukr Allah.
I’d visit the masjid before fajr salah, when it would be mostly empty and just sit and enjoy the calmness of it all. Enjoy my adventure of Medinah. I’d close my eyes and think of everything I have to be thankful for and just let the moments go second by second, minute by minute. I am in Medinah. It was difficult for me to take in sometimes, that I was back in Medinah. I am such a sinner Ya Allah, yet you’ve bought me back to your Beloved? My mind would race with thoughts and questions to Allah swt and even to Rasoolullah sallahi ahlayhiwsalam. But then, I would remind myself, just enjoy this moment Mariam…just take it in.
As the days went by, I was reminded that my time was coming closer and closer to leaving. This made me sad. I felt like I had no reason to leave Medinah, I have nothing to go back to, (Well, I did really, my parents, family, my life & a home, but nothing compares. No one compares to Rasoolullah) . I would give my life up right now and be alone if it meant I could stay with Rasoolullah sallahi ahlayhiwsalam. As time came closer to leave, I went less and less to the Masjid, thinking it’ll be easier to leave. But as my final day came, I visited Masjid Al Nabawi adleast 3 times because I didn’t want my last visit to be this one, I would say to myself.
As we drove away in the taxi to return to Jeddah for our flight I allowed myself to cry my heart out, one last time…
Ya Rasoolullah sallahi ahlayhiwsalam, call me back♡
Allahuma Sallahi Alla Sayyidina Muhammadin, Wa’ala ali sayyidina Muhammadin wa barik wa salim.
World of Mariam Dj 